Two and a half years.

If I had been in pain, that would have been a very long time. However, healing is subtle. The subsiding of pain may feel idle, as if the body is taking its damn, sweet time, but healing is hard work. There are so many processes underway:  mending tissues, producing blood cells, moving waste, resting. We are on auto-pilot; unaware. 

The mind and the spirit are just as complicated. We garner bits of information piecing them together in a complex puzzle, attempting to make sense of it. Little by little, we step back to take in the whole picture and it becomes clear. The wounds have mended. Scarred, but put back together. {“Scars are tattoos with better stories” is my favorite saying.} 

Being an A-type personality, surrendering to the path laid out in front of me was not easy, but I had faith. I had to trust, for there is a lesson in every trial. My universe is always conspiring for my greater good. The result was sometimes rough but oftentimes exceptional. The impetus was (3) back-to-back traumas. In protective mode, my brain shut down and I floated, untethered. Whilst hovering above my “normal” life, those practices that were honed over a lifetime to make me efficient were somehow put on pause. I was meant to yield, let go, truly hand over the controls. Truman Show masterminds were helming the ship.

The most difficult part of relinquishing control was when my writing halted. I even stopped sharing my images. Everything became precious. Mine. 

Perhaps in doing so, my eyes widened. Clarity. Truth. 

I’ve learned…

When I have something beautiful in my life that I wish to share & you CHOOSE to tear me down or squash my joy, outright hurt me, I will no longer share the gifts this life gives me. I will no longer spend time in your company. I will no longer trust you with my triumphs. I will walk away.

Instead, I choose those who celebrate with me.

I choose those who share in my joy.

I choose those that honor my trust.

I choose those who smile when my heart smiles.

I CHOOSE to celebrate & encourage my fellow humans.

I’m making better choices because my energy, time and joy are precious.

Through clearer eyes, let the sharing begin. 

This is where I’ve been.